This is the post I've been writing and re-writing in my head for weeks now. It's so long overdue, it's hard for me to remember where to start. I've been conveniently leaving out some messy details from my life for months— and now I'm finally ready to open up.
Back in December, I posted about the bitterness I experienced after our house was broken into. Sharing that news "publicly" was a really big deal for me because I'm one of the most positive and optimistic people I know, yet I still struggled to find peace with the situation. And despite having a blog, I'm actually a pretty private person.
I like my blog to be a place of growth and inspiration for me to look back on, so it's not where I come to talk about crippling student debt, coming home so tired you face plant onto the couch, or personal struggles with anxiety issues. These topics are left for in person conversations with friends over steaming cups of tea and mountains of fresh baked treats.
So please excuse me for my lack of open-ness while dealing with a few things. I've finally found a place of clarity and I'm in a spot where I can talk about tragedy with a clear mind. So here it goes:
More details are here, but to bring you up to speed, in February, the grocery store next door to my place of employment caught fire and it spread to our kitchen and shipping facilities. We weren't there and there were no injuries, but we lost everything and there are no intentions of re-opening in the near future (leaving me abruptly out of a job). So in the last few months, I've been through a lot: our house was robbed, my car was broken into, and then through no fault of my own, I was jobless— talk about a roller coaster.
If you've read my blog for awhile, you know that I loved my job. I got to listen to Harry Potter audio books + make and photograph candy all day— what's not to love? I was pretty heartbroken to get the news. And it took me awhile to find some peace. So what have I been doing since then?
Honestly, I spent the first day or so freaking out about my life. Thoughts of updating my resume and beginning the job hunt overwhelmed me. Every time I began to read job postings my heart would race as I imagined myself trying to convince someone to hire me for a job I didn't want. I felt physically ill and on the cusp of ralphing often. So after some deep thinking and conversations with Nick, I decide to simply take some time off.
Y'all know that starting + owning my own business is something I have wanted to do for a long time, and seeing as I got my business license literally the day before I lost my job, it seemed the most obvious place for me to begin rebuilding.
{Yay— you're halfway through this post! I shall reward you with a ridiculous GIF of me + my business license!}
I decided it would be much more encouraging for me to have my handmade book shop at least ready and humming in the background before I moved forward with anything else. That way, when I took another job or part time job, the hurdle of opening up shop would already be gone. Otherwise, I felt like I would begin to frantically look for a job and then remain in the "I'll do it someday" boat with my business journey that I'm in right now— and have been in for far too long.
So I spent the first few days of my newfound freedom sleeping in, eating cheesecake in bed, and emailing with my closest friends and family. I was completely overwhelmed with support and encouragement. I started working on some custom orders that I now had the time for, began doodling countless versions of logos, and simply keeping to myself so that I could organize my thoughts. To put it most simply: I poured my heart into several books/projects and used some good ole art therapy for healing.
I was starting to feel better when my friend contacted me to tell me that her boss was looking for a personal assistant. I was kinda skeptical since I had actively just decided to deplete my savings account not pursue any work, but it was a part-time opportunity and I convinced myself to just go with it because of my new "when is the last time any of my plans worked out" mentality.
So I circumvented the stress of applications, phone calls, and references for a good ole fashioned "who-ya-know" meeting. Turns out my experience and availability was a great fit, and I was hired within 15 minutes of meeting my new boss— yay, some good news! So now I work part time for a wonderful local female entrepreneur who owns two successful businesses. I've been there for about three weeks now and it's awesome! It's low-stress, easy hours, and not physically demanding— so when I do get off work, I'm not too tired or burnt out to do my own thing: something I haven't experienced in years. It's also closer to home for me, so once it warms up a bit I can get back to commuting by bike {insert happy dance}.
So right now, this is what my life looks like: I am working part time as a Personal Assistant while building up my portfolio and creating my new website. I have a job that pays my bills and a small trickle of custom orders that I'm squirreling money away from so that I can upgrade my bookmaking tools, build a new website, launch an online shop, and attend my first handmade market. I am also still working as a Styling Assistant for Stockroom Vintage, and loving it more and more. The lease on our house is up soon, too, so we will be moving and hopefully feeling safer and more relaxed.
A lot is changing and I feel like an entirely new person. I'm making lots of books. I have a business license. I wrote a mission statement. I attended a free local small business workshop (with my new friend, Zie!). I took a critical look at my blog and thought about the community I'd like to create, so now I'm more excited about blogging than ever. I recently told one of my friends that I finally feel like myself again— something I didn't know I was even struggling with until I had moved on from it.
I am in a really good place right now, and it feels amazing to say that. I told one of my friends that my plan right now is not to snap my fingers, open my business, "quit my day job", and have a perfect life suddenly. My goal is to simply stop saying "I'm starting a business" and actually have my business— for better or worse. I'm ready to start working on my own dreams as hard as I've been working on other people's.
SO THOSE ARE ALL MY FEELINGS. If you're reading this and having your own personal struggles, please know my heart is right there with you. I can't tell you with any certainty that things will get better, but I can tell you I've learned that sometimes really good things in life can be taken away and replaced by really amazing things.
If you're reading this then that probably means you are subscribed to my blog in one way or another, and I just wanna say thanks for following along and being there for me even when things aren't all sparkles and kittens and glitter. I'm excited to share my journey and experience of becoming a female entrepreneur, but I'm even more excited to continue building this amazing community of artists, poets, vintage enthusiast, cat ladies, and book lovers. Here's to learning as we go, warm weather, new beginnings, and friendship— cheers!
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